Ah, I'd never forget the day or maybe the defining moment I came to realise I had an identity problem.
It was during the early days of my joining the Ushering team at my family church that this crisis happened. One of the demands of being part of a team or a "worker" is that you have to make certain sacrifices. Service really isn't for self centred or selfish people.
Some of the demands had to do with certain kinds of dressing. Though not indecent, just not decent enough to standard. For me, then, that was an issue as most of my clothes sure didn't make the cut. Another stipulation is the need for punctuality and I must confess, I tend to fail woefully on this front. Being fashionably late is unfortunately a family trait, lol.
So the rule is that if you come 10 minutes after service starts, you will not serve in that service. Back then, I think we had just two services unlike the three service schedule we have going on now. I rarely ever made it for the first service so it was mostly second service for me.
After a couple of months with the team and after several encounters with other members of the Church, I begun to be known not just as part of the church family but specifically as an Usher. It got so bad that sometimes when maybe a member of the church was having a celebration and needed help, whether I offered the help or not, you could hear things like, "Usher come and serve". For me, serving as an Usher became more than an act of love and service to God but it also came to be who I was or better still, my identity.
This happened during the period I hadn't gotten into University yet, so I was not a student. Now, because I wasn't a student nor working in any professional capacity, it was so easy for me to see myself as an Usher and nothing more. Anyway, one particular service, I unfortunately broke the punctuality rule by a few minutes, I think.
Though I knew the rule, somehow I wasn't prepared for the repercussions when I would be the culprit, the one who broke the rule.
When I came to service that day and reported myself at the unit stand, I was told I wasn't going to serve that day because I was late. I'll never forget the feeling of nothingness that enveloped me when I went to seat with the congregation. In that moment, I was faced with an identity crisis. In fact, I felt like the whole world was looking at me and seeing me as nothing because the very thing that made me somebody had been taken away from me. So of course, I was a nobody and everyone could see it. What a defining moment that was for me!
I bet I'm not the only one who's gone or is going through something similar. Some of you may not even recognise that you are in the same loop that I once was because the truth is yet to penetrate through the facade that our activities have put up.
You know our world is full of so many labels; if you work in a bank, you're a banker, if you're a wife then you're a housewife, if you work in a school then you're teacher and all that. Because of all these labels, we've come to see ourselves as nothing other than these tags. We therefore become the limitations these labels place on us as well the strength it also gives.
Several times, I've heard my coursemates say, "I'm just a student" as some sort of justification to not think bigger than ourselves or the limitations we think a student possesses. For me, after that crisis, I had to sit down and confront the issue because then I didn't even know that I was going through an identity crisis. As I communed with God and let The Holy Spirit speak to me, I realised that I am first a child of God before an Usher. In fact, it's being a child of God that made me an Usher and not the other way round. It was a light breaking moment for me when I realized that I didn't need to serve as an Usher to validate myself as a daughter of zion and as a child of God.
After I realized that, whenever by some justifiable excuse I broke the rule, I didn't walk timidly to seat with the congregation like I did that day, I walked boldly to whatever assigned seat and sat there knowing I was first a daughter before an Usher.
Today, you're going to have to confront who you are apart from the labels society has attached to you. Who are you when schools go on break and you can't teach? Who are you when you graduate fresh out of a university and are perhaps without a job? Who are you if by some unfortunate incident you loose your spouse? Who are you when your kids are all grown up and you don't have to be a father anymore, at least not actively? Who are you when you finally retire from being a banker? Who are you?
You're probably expecting to see the answer in this paragraph but hey! I'm gonna have to disappoint you. Why? Because this isn't my question to answer. It's yours!
I will leave you with one tip though. This is in the story of the exodus of Israel from Egypt, when Moses encountered God at the burning bush and was given his marching orders. Moses asked a very peculiar yet insightful question. He said, "Who will I tell them sent me?" To that God responded, "Tell them, I AM THAT I AM has sent you".
Who are you? Nah, whose are you?
You won't find who you are in the labels or the activities you engage it, you will find your identity in Him who made you.
Again, Whose are you?