Denying Self
Ahhh! Here's a story that requires you to read a bit more intentionally because there's a message I really want to share with you.
I like to tell people that if I ever drift apart from someone I dearly value then it was never my fault but the fault of the other person. I won't say I learnt this from any book or from watching certain people, but rather, at the kness of experience. When it comes to valuable relationships, whether a dating/courting type of relationship or female to female, male to male, female to male, familial and every other valuable type of relationship, one thing must remain ever consistent and that's "denying yourself." Let me tell you a story.
Sometime during my 100 level, I had a misunderstanding with my friend. It was an issue of misinterpretation. We had jumped into conclusions about an issue and unfortunately the conclusions were nothing favourable. She had walked ahead of me and at a much faster pace so she got to my house before I did and waited for me. We exchanged words and honestly, we were both seriously pissed! After that, she walked out. Now on a regular, we spend most of our Sundays together and this Sunday was to be no different. This misunderstanding however caused a change of plans. With everything that had happened further compounded by her walking out on me, suffice it to say I was livid with anger. Her walking out, for me, was akin to a slap on the face. In the midst of that, with me feeling vindicated in my righteous anger, I hear the Holy Spirit tell me, "Go after her." Even with the urgency in that command I balked, of course I didn't want to obey but that urgency propelled me to. So I dropped my handbag, locked my door and began the 10 minutes walk to where she was staying. Along the way, it started raining and by the time I arrived, I was soaked and angry. As you can imagine, this earned me a dramatic entrance which looking back on seems a bit funny; like look what the cat dragged in sort of moment, lol. Now I won't go into details of what I said and what she said but it is sufficient to say that it was a pretty heated argument with lots of shouting. I think my voice wavered at some point. My emotions practically put me on a chokehold at that point. Regardless though, after we had expressed ourselves and wrung each other dry, we finally settled amicably and we ended up having a sleepover where I enjoyed a good meal of UkwaChinaka, an igbo delicacy. This story is just one of many similar situations where there's been a misunderstanding and I don't wait for the fault game to be played, I swallow my pride and anger and do what's right so that Peace (an emotion I dearly treasure) can reign.
I hope you're following my train of thought. You know it's so easy to say, "I love you, I value you" and words in that direction but when it comes to the proving of it that's when you would really know if you love that person as you claim.
Love is simply denying yourself. Yes ohh! I'll say it again. Love is simply denying yourself. If Jesus with all our flaws both past, present and future could still count us worthy enough that he denied Himself death on a cross, is it not possible for us to do the same for one we say we greatly love? See, love no be for mouth oh, na for action. Pardon my pidgin.
When I walked into that room and ensured that we dealt with our issues, that friend of mine didn't need me to tell her, "I love her" because I proved it. I denied myself to prove to her that I value our friendship so much that I won't let this misunderstanding or my anger whether justified or not get in the way. Like I said, this is just one of many similar situations I've denied myself for her and I have noticed that her love for me has increased in measures that sometime overwhelm me. You know there's a passage in the Bible that says, "Give and it will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men give unto your bosom". I think it properly defines what I experience with her.
Please don't tell anyone you love them or value them if you're first not willing to deny yourself for them. Note, that I'm not saying be anyone's footmat. Remember this admonition is for impactful relationships not toxic one.
Like a quote, "Greater love hath no meaning but this that he be willing to lay down his life for his brother", nothing screams denying Self and Love than the afore mentioned statement. When you profess love, be willing and ready to lay down yourself, your pride, your ego and any other emotion that would get in the way of truly proving the sincerity of those words.
You know, doing this made me develop a kind of strength I didn't think I possessed because let me tell you it takes strength of a different kind to deny yourself almost every time for the happiness of another especially one so valuable. Please don't see it as a weakness or allow someone take that strength for granted or abuse it. I only hope I've been able to inspire something in you. Again I say,
LOVE IS DENYING SELF!
Ahhh! Here's a story that requires you to read a bit more intentionally because there's a message I really want to share with you.
I like to tell people that if I ever drift apart from someone I dearly value then it was never my fault but the fault of the other person. I won't say I learnt this from any book or from watching certain people, but rather, at the kness of experience. When it comes to valuable relationships, whether a dating/courting type of relationship or female to female, male to male, female to male, familial and every other valuable type of relationship, one thing must remain ever consistent and that's "denying yourself." Let me tell you a story.
Sometime during my 100 level, I had a misunderstanding with my friend. It was an issue of misinterpretation. We had jumped into conclusions about an issue and unfortunately the conclusions were nothing favourable. She had walked ahead of me and at a much faster pace so she got to my house before I did and waited for me. We exchanged words and honestly, we were both seriously pissed! After that, she walked out. Now on a regular, we spend most of our Sundays together and this Sunday was to be no different. This misunderstanding however caused a change of plans. With everything that had happened further compounded by her walking out on me, suffice it to say I was livid with anger. Her walking out, for me, was akin to a slap on the face. In the midst of that, with me feeling vindicated in my righteous anger, I hear the Holy Spirit tell me, "Go after her." Even with the urgency in that command I balked, of course I didn't want to obey but that urgency propelled me to. So I dropped my handbag, locked my door and began the 10 minutes walk to where she was staying. Along the way, it started raining and by the time I arrived, I was soaked and angry. As you can imagine, this earned me a dramatic entrance which looking back on seems a bit funny; like look what the cat dragged in sort of moment, lol. Now I won't go into details of what I said and what she said but it is sufficient to say that it was a pretty heated argument with lots of shouting. I think my voice wavered at some point. My emotions practically put me on a chokehold at that point. Regardless though, after we had expressed ourselves and wrung each other dry, we finally settled amicably and we ended up having a sleepover where I enjoyed a good meal of UkwaChinaka, an igbo delicacy. This story is just one of many similar situations where there's been a misunderstanding and I don't wait for the fault game to be played, I swallow my pride and anger and do what's right so that Peace (an emotion I dearly treasure) can reign.
I hope you're following my train of thought. You know it's so easy to say, "I love you, I value you" and words in that direction but when it comes to the proving of it that's when you would really know if you love that person as you claim.
Love is simply denying yourself. Yes ohh! I'll say it again. Love is simply denying yourself. If Jesus with all our flaws both past, present and future could still count us worthy enough that he denied Himself death on a cross, is it not possible for us to do the same for one we say we greatly love? See, love no be for mouth oh, na for action. Pardon my pidgin.
When I walked into that room and ensured that we dealt with our issues, that friend of mine didn't need me to tell her, "I love her" because I proved it. I denied myself to prove to her that I value our friendship so much that I won't let this misunderstanding or my anger whether justified or not get in the way. Like I said, this is just one of many similar situations I've denied myself for her and I have noticed that her love for me has increased in measures that sometime overwhelm me. You know there's a passage in the Bible that says, "Give and it will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men give unto your bosom". I think it properly defines what I experience with her.
Please don't tell anyone you love them or value them if you're first not willing to deny yourself for them. Note, that I'm not saying be anyone's footmat. Remember this admonition is for impactful relationships not toxic one.
Like a quote, "Greater love hath no meaning but this that he be willing to lay down his life for his brother", nothing screams denying Self and Love than the afore mentioned statement. When you profess love, be willing and ready to lay down yourself, your pride, your ego and any other emotion that would get in the way of truly proving the sincerity of those words.
You know, doing this made me develop a kind of strength I didn't think I possessed because let me tell you it takes strength of a different kind to deny yourself almost every time for the happiness of another especially one so valuable. Please don't see it as a weakness or allow someone take that strength for granted or abuse it. I only hope I've been able to inspire something in you. Again I say,
LOVE IS DENYING SELF!